· 12:34 am musings on my own sexuality
A couple of minutes ago I came out on instagram as bisexual.
For the past couple of weeks I’ve been considering whether if it would matter if I came out publicly or not. I mean, it’s not like people should care, or like I should care about what they think of it. My sexuality is mine. Whom I fall in love with, and whom I want doing nasty things to me is my own business. I am a grown-ass (virgin) woman, and I don’t need to justify myself to anyone. But I still feel like I want to let it out, and see how I feel.
I’m not very good with change. Change is weird. Change in a part of your identity (even if it’s just a label that shouldn’t matter) is always awkward (I guess). I’d identified as “straight” my entire life, and considered the girls I fell in love with as just “girl crushes.” I would try to suppress any kind of thought where I would be doing sexy things to other girls, and told myself that I didn’t really want that. I still am a little bit off about the idea of having intercourse with another girl, but I think that has more to do with my own issues with intimacy in general. Also, I’ve fallen in love with almost as many girls, as with boys, and lately I’ve felt this strange sort of peace within me now that I’ve finally internalized that not being straight doesn’t mean I’ve failed my parents, and that wanting to do things with girls is not something I should avoid.
My preferences still lean more towards “men” (especially if they happen to be older than me… oh god… me, and my daddy issues) But… I don’t know. I just wanted to let it out.
Does this mean I’m gonna go out and get a girlfriend now?
Same answer as to why I don’t have a boyfriend at the moment: I’m focusing on my career right now.
Also, I’m terrified of pretty women.
Anyway, here’s a drawing I did last night